


Star-Gazing

by CowandCalf



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Divergence, Danny Has A Secret, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Lynn doesn't exist, M/M, One Shot, Revelations, Romance, Smut, Steve doesn't deal well with secrets, i don't want to tag too much, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 06:01:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15701286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowandCalf/pseuds/CowandCalf
Summary: Danny had a secret. Steve didn't like secrets especially when they were Danny's secrets. He didn't deal well with the way Danny kept back information from him.





	Star-Gazing

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:**  
>  I had four ideas for the tumblr writing challenge 'Jot It Down July' but I only got three done during the requested time. I didn't want to add this fourth one to my ever-growing list of McDanno story ideas. I'm so happy and relieved that I could turn my mental pictures into another one-shot; while writing I had to grin so often, thinking about the guys and their interactions.  
> And then this happened: I was reading my first draft and there was this scene I kinda forgot I even wrote it! _Oh my God!_ Do you know this feeling? I mean - I burst out laughing (!) when I was reading that said paragraph I've written the other day, having this vivid, mental picture of the guys – and it made me laugh out loud. Jesus. And I was like: Girl? Seriously? You wrote that shit yourself - like _yesterday_! And now you're laughing, reading your own story. I mean – what the hell? And then I had to laugh even more about myself. The process of writing has its own special way to adorably mess with you.
> 
> **Disclaimer:**  
>  I don't own the show or any of the characters and I don't make any profit by writing my stories. I only claim plot points.
> 
>  
> 
> My story is beta read by my wonderful and amazing friend [indiepjones46](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiepjones46/pseuds/indiepjones46). Thank you so much, Indie, for your precious beta read on my story.
> 
> Indiepjones46 is a magnificent author. She's my constant source of knowledge and she constantly helps to work on my writing style. She tutors me, she cheers me on, she's my light and my great, fabulous friend. You're my soul sister, Indie – my brain twin. Thank you for your endless caring and your wonderful support. It means the world to me. My writing wouldn't have expanded in this way without your fabulous, gentle guidance. Thank you for every second of your time and your friendship. Big love from me to you for always having my back.
> 
> All remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
>  
> 
> And a big 'thank you' to you, my lovely readers, for dropping by to read my story! You rock my world with the way you gift me with your attention.
> 
> I hope you like it.

Danny had plans for his Saturday afternoon since he read about the live broadcasting of the big event in the newspaper. In fact, the big happening was all over the news, and his team had a moment joking about it, making some cheesy remarks, and putting in their two cents. He played along, mumbling some incoherent words, not putting his cards on the table about how much he was looking forward to enjoying these moments on TV. 

It was eleven o'clock Saturday morning at the headquarters. Danny wouldn't have needed to drop by at work. His desk was clear, and the mountain of files was down to three folders. He had time to finish them next week. It was quiet and peaceful in their office. Danny had no intention to strike a new path. Although he was off, he enjoyed the fulfillment of daily routine. He didn't need adventurous plans for his spare time. He and his team dealt daily with a load of fucked up moments in the line of duty where everything could change in mere seconds. Danny lived for days when everything was routine, almost boringly normal and uneventful, simply for the fact of being foreseeable, comforting, and cherished. 

Danny got up early, completed all the chores at home, and on his way to shop groceries, he drove by the office just to check in and make sure Steve didn't need him. He wanted the confirmation that the afternoon was all his. 

"Hey, babe. I'm heading out. You okay with that?" Danny leaned into Steve's office, holding the door open, not stepping in. He didn't want to get involved in any conversation, especially when they were the only two guys on the floor. 

Steve turned his head away from the screen to look at him. "Yeah, sure. Tani and Junior will be back on Monday morning. I told them to enjoy their weekend. It was too long since they had two days off in a row. Got any plans?" Steve pushed his chair back from the desk and leaned back into his comfortable seat, looking at Danny. 

Steve would always and forever be champagne for Danny's eyes. The sight of the stunning man was never _not_ doing something to his heart, and some other body parts that Danny didn't want to bring alive by secretly checking him out. He kept his eyes trained on Steve's face the whole time. 

Danny flashed Steve a smile. "Yeah, I've got something planned for the afternoon. And you? Got a lot of work left to finish up?" Danny rested his shoulder against the open glass door, still not stepping in. He would be damned if he walked in to sit on the leather couch next to Steve. 

"I have to finish this report for the Governor, and that's it for today. What kind of plans are you talking about?" Steve's body sharpened in a well-known way, pretending not to be curious, showing off nonchalance and mild interest. 

_Here we go._ Danny still hadn't found an appropriate way to react to that question in case he had to. He wouldn't lie to Steve about what he'd planned, but he didn’t want to fill him in either. He went with vague and noncommittal. "Just some stuff I wanna do. Nothing special." Danny sighed, yeah that would satisfy Steve for sure. 

"Stuff? What kind of stuff? Do you need my help?" Steve's frame sharpened, and he sat up straight, turning back to his computer. "Let me finish this report, and I can lend you a hand." 

Yeah, exactly, and that was the reason why Danny had hoped to catch Steve on the phone. It would have been much easier to sneak by his office, waving a goodbye, and slipping into the elevator. 

"Thanks, babe. I'm fine." Danny moved his hand through the air, underlining the unimportance of his plans. "Go and do your own thing. Enjoy a free weekend for once, too. It would do you good just to hang loose or to run up onto the highest hill on Hawaii; or whatever your crazy mind is up for. I'm good, Steve, really." Danny was proud of the way he circuited the tricky subject. 

"You're acting sneaky, Danny. You try to sell me something else, aiming for a distraction to cover up the other stuff, which seems to be very important to you. And now my curiosity is aroused. I know you too well, babe. Are you having coffee with someone?" Steve's interest awoke, and Danny knew the grilling was seconds away.

"Coffee?" Danny wasn't sure where Steve was heading with this comment. 

"Yeah, coffee. A date, Danny. Are you having a date? You've said it yourself that your dates always start with a coffee. So, I assume you don't want to fill me in on your plans for this afternoon, because you're seriously unprecise with the details." Steve stood up and walked towards Danny. 

Danny had no choice but to step into the office, facing Steve. 

"Maybe I just don't want to tell you, because I'm not interested in your opinion?" Danny tried to be slightly unnerved. He was mesmerized and distracted by the way Steve's arms were folded over the planes of his chest, giving Danny such a clear view on the popping muscles in his arms and the way his pecs were pressed together. And that sight had been messing with Danny's mind since day fucking one. Steve's chest was a constant challenge, and his eyes were studying Danny, calmly but amused. 

"I wouldn't want to give you advice, Danny. I'm only genuinely interested in how you'll spend your Saturday afternoon. We could hang out together, watch a football game, drink some beers. We could even have a barbecue tonight. Grace and Charlie are coming back on Sunday afternoon and you're alone, no kids, no case to work on. It makes me wonder what's going on because you're completely off. I'm not involved in spending the afternoon with you. And I'm – yeah – wondering what you're up to." Steve pulled himself up to his full height, standing in front of Danny, unmovable and steady. 

Danny knew he was trapped. Steve would stick to his guns until Danny would spill. 

"Why should I tell you what I've got planned in my private time, Steve?" Danny became impatient. 

"Why should you not?" Steve responded with an amused expression. "You're acting secretive, Danny. You're hiding something. What's the big deal? Tell me if you have a date. I'm happy for you, and I know that it wasn't easy to end things with Melissa." 

Danny had given up hope that Steve's attitude would give him away. There was no twitch, no flinch in his whole posture when he talked about this dating shit. He smiled at Danny in the same gorgeous way Steve smiled at all the other members of his team, always looking out for them, wanting to know that they were fine. 

Danny would bend over backward to keep his plans a secret. He didn't have the nerves to listen to Steve's burst of laughter and his stupid teasing if he would tell him. Nevertheless, he wouldn't lie, and he went for the truth, the other truth; not the one about the details of the event on the TV, but the truth about what he was looking forward to doing. "I'll have some me-time. There you go, happy now?" Danny scoffed, and his hands flew up. 

Steve's eyebrows met his hairline. He was having a hard time keeping a neutral face. " _Me-time_? What in the hell does that mean? Just say it, Danny. Every man does it! No need to hide your jerking off sessions with funny Williams explanations." Steve's stern expression cracked, and he started laughing. 

Danny pursed his lips, sighing in frustration. "I knew that a dorky Navy guy wouldn't understand that. You never heard of that expression, you caveman? Me-time? I jerk off around my me-time, you moron. We're done here. I'll go now. Have a great weekend." Danny didn't get angry. That surprised him the most. His mood was subdued, and he didn't want to ponder about why his mood was like this, and why Steve never could let it be. 

He turned to pull the door open, not waiting for Steve's answer.

"You actually said it." Steve's astonished voice made Danny stop dead in his tracks. 

"What did I say?" He called over his shoulder. 

"You said Navy guy." Steve's words tipped sideways, sounding surprised. 

Danny facepalmed his forehead. "Ah damn, how could I forget? You were in the Army!" Danny walked through the door, hearing Steve's huffed sound of 'not amused'. 

"Danny, wait!" Steve caught up with him and they stood next to each other, waiting for the elevator. 

"Just to sum it up, because--with you--it's always complicated." Steve turned to have a clear view of Danny's face. 

"There's nothing to sum up, Steve. Let it go. And I'm not complicated. Seriously. I'm going to have an easy, relaxed Saturday afternoon, spending time with something I like. I don't need to give you any explanation about what this is, and I don't need to feed you any details to satisfy your curious mind. This is private. I don't want to share! Just accept it." Danny fumbled with his car keys in his pockets. He knew it would end that way. 

"How can I pay more attention to you when you always keep important things from me?" Steve was not laughing anymore. 

"What are you talking about?" Danny closed his eyes, pursing his lips. Why did this always have to go down like this?

"Your claustrophobia? You accused me of not paying enough attention to you because I had no idea that you weren't able to deal with cramped spaces. You're hiding stuff from me, Danny. And here I am – in case you missed it – paying attention to you. _Right now!_ If you would let me. It's an easy question, and I don't understand why you can't just say it. What's your plan for this afternoon?" Leave it to Steve to sound honestly offended about such a topic. 

"I said that _years_ ago! Jesus. You don't need to know everything about me, Steve. There are things I don't want to talk to you about. What's so damn difficult to just accept that? You don't have to be informed about every single detail of my life!" That came out a tad too forceful. Danny tempered the tone of his voice. "I'm going to have some private time, which I don't spend with watching porn and jacking off; and if that makes your head spin because you can't think over your own horizon, then just let it be, Steven. I'm not going to tell you." 

Danny didn't plan to get angry, but his previous light mood flew out the window. He shook his head and silently cursed at the stupid elevator who was extra slow today. Steve stayed put, and Danny didn't need to look at him to know how he worked his jaw, making all these funny moves with his lips to control his mood. Steve never dealt well with Danny not answering his personal questions. 

"You don't want to fill me in." Ah, damn it! Steve was riled up. 

"No." 

"You think I wouldn't understand." Now he sounded hurt. 

"Yes."

"You're convinced that I would make fun of you with what you have planned for your 'me-time' and that's why you won't tell me." Steve emphasized the sentence, drawing quotation marks in the air with both hands. 

"Yes." 

There was a tight silence between them, lasting until the elevator pinged softly and the doors opened. 

"You're not even trying to explain what it is. How could you know that I would tease you about it?" Steve didn't want to give in. 

Danny stepped into the elevator and watched Steve with fond eyes. "Because I just know you, Steve. Have a good one. Finish up soon. You could use a break, too. Bye." 

"Okay." Steve folded his arms again over his impressive chest, looking like a freaking SEAL on a mission. Danny couldn't stand the fact that Steve observed him like a bug under the microscope. 

Before the doors could close, Steve's hand snapped in between, hindering the elevator from going down. 

"What is it, Steve?" Danny growled, but the guilt spread already into his mind. 

"Are you okay, Danny? Are you – uhm, sad? Do I need to worry?" Steve eyed him with his trained, excellent leader eyes. 

Danny stayed calm, inhaled once, twice, before he could tamp down the rising frustration. "I'm neither sad nor depressed, Steve. I'm fine. Everything is fine. And you won't get me to spill what I'm going to do. Either you let me go now, or it'll end nasty. _Leave it be_. I appreciate your concern but you're overreacting." Danny whole body was tense. 

"Okay. Have a wonderful weekend, Daniel." 

Their eyes held on to each other until the closing doors interrupted the connection. 

Danny was still churned up when he arrived home. He was equally angry and at a loss, not able to shake the guilty feeling. He hung out in his kitchen for a long time, leaning against the sink, sipping at his glass of water, staring into space. He replayed their conversation in his head. Steve had looked forlorn when Danny pushed him back, verbally cutting him off from his privacy. He always hated the thought of leaving Steve, knowing there was no one else around. Call it a gut feeling, but Danny knew deep down that Steve didn't do well with being too long on his own – in private time – especially over the weekends. Junior was off somewhere with Tani. Danny knew Steve would return to an empty house – just like he did. 

Steve was good at ramming against Danny's mental doors, wanting to be a part of bits and pieces that Danny wasn't ready to share. Danny shook his head mildly in surprise at how Steve tried to corner him in the same way he demanded so many times in the past to be filled in on trivial stuff. 

Danny remembered well how Steve wouldn't let go until he explained why Grace called him Danno years ago and how he'd nagged him about what he carried in his paper bag for lunch only to be surprised at finding out Danny had brought a salad. These were small details which seemed to mean so much more to Steve. He wanted to be kept in the loop about mundane puzzle pieces Danny didn't even think about to mention. 

Steve had called him Daniel. A way to express how hurt Steve really was, or maybe also pissed to no end that Danny assumed he wasn't trustworthy enough to be informed about something that meant a lot to Danny. But he knew Steve wouldn't understand. Danny didn't have the nerve to withstand all the mocking and the snarky remarks from his best friend, at least not today. 

He sighed and emptied his glass of water and turned his attention to his unpacked shopping bags. Danny put the groceries away and went upstairs to take a shower. He shook his head, amused by the fact that Steve mentioned masturbation. These were the tiny, sexy details which drove Danny insane for eight, fucking years now. He knew Steve flirted with him. But what to do with that? He'd learned to live with what he got. That's all there was between them and maybe that was all there ever would be. Too much time had passed, and he'd missed all the opportunities. Danny wasn't ready to let his mood slip just because he'd had a minor argument with Steve about nothing important.

He stepped out of the shower. A few hours had passed already since he'd left Steve at the headquarters. Danny knew Steve would likely already be home and gone for a swim. He might even have dropped by Kamekona's for a beer and a chat, ending up at his private beach, building sandcastles to torpedo them with rubber balls to work on his aim, or with whatever rubbish Steve came up with. 

Yeah, okay, that was a mean thing to think, but Danny was a bit roughened up by their debate; to be honest, he was unbalanced with the way unwanted emotions began pushing up from the bottomless pit of his soul. Danny was never good at pushing them down again. He was being ridiculous because he ended up arguing with Steve every single day! But his mood was special, and it was complicated to find the right box to pack this kind of shit away. 

However, he caught himself pausing every five minutes, lost in thoughts, frozen in the middle of toweling off, or staring at his image in the mirror while combing his hair or cutting his fingernails while trying to decipher Steve's expressions. 

Danny switched on the TV to fill his empty living room with a comforting babble while he prepared his sandwich with lots of cheese and ham, slices of cucumbers, and lettuce. Danny opened a Longboard and carried everything into the living room. He sank with a groan into the comfy cushions, dressed in a simple shirt and shorts. He lingered on the couch, his legs up on the coffee table, ankles crossed. It was all set. The remote control lay peacefully next to him, and the big event was about to take off on the TV screen. Danny took a hearty bite from his delicious sandwich and felt the comforting carpet of feels swarming his soul and his heart. 

He excluded the outside world and opened this hidden space with all the secret feels for a pleasure and a need that no one else knew about. 

This was his me-time, and it was just perfect. 

Half an hour into his heavenly cloud of enjoying a private moment, a loud knock on the door made Danny jerk hard. He almost sent his half-eaten sandwich sailing through the air, suppressing a yelp. He fucking _jumped_ out of his skin. Danny was lost for a split second and felt rudely pulled out of his bubble, feeling attacked in his comfort zone. He even felt his heartbeat pounding away in his tongue. _Jesus Christ._

The door handle jiggled a few times, followed by a knock. No, wrong, followed by loud fist bumps pounding against his front door. Danny even heard a key slipping into the lock, and how it pushed in and out without success, because with a wise foresight, Danny's keys still stuck in the lock. 

"Danny? Are you there? Danny? Is everything okay?" Steve's voice came muffled through the closed door. 

Danny needed some seconds to come back to reality. The beauty on the screen rolled on while he took some deep breaths to calm his galloping heart. He hated how the sweat broke out on his skin, giving him a slick feeling at the small of his back and between his ass cheeks. His armpits were freaking _wet_. He swallowed the rest of his chewed sandwich, now mush in his mouth, smoothing out the aftermath of his mini-shock. 

Danny had to admit that Steve sounded edgy after the second time he had repeated the whole procedure: jiggling, pounding, and abusing the lock with his spare key to Danny's home. 

He jumped from the couch when Steve's face appeared at the window peeking into his living room with his hand covering his eyes for a clearer view. 

" _Danny_! Are you okay? Why aren't you opening the door?" Steve shouted. 

"I'M COMING!" Danny was so mad. He unlocked the door and tore it wide open.

Steve jumped into the door frame, looking emotionally rumpled. "Why did you close your door? With the key still stuck in the lock? What if – "

"What's the matter with you, huh, Steven? You almost gave me a heart attack. I have a freaking _doorbell_. Next time, use it!" Danny shouted, his mood foul and shredded to pieces. 

"Doorbell?" Steve peered over Danny's shoulder, eyes on the TV. This Neanderthal animal filled his whole door jamb with his ridiculously muscled, overly trained, tall body wearing nothing but a tank top, shorts, and running shoes. A pack of Longboards was tucked under his arm. Danny felt utterly attacked and distracted at the same time. 

_Shit_. He forgot to switch off the fucking TV. "Stay put, don't move!" Danny barked and spun around, diving for the remote control on the couch to switch off the TV, struggling to accurately press the stupid red button to make the screen go black. With an angry move, Danny threw the remote back onto the couch. 

"What were you watching?" Steve let the door softly slip into the latch, eyes never leaving the screen. 

"That's none of your business," Danny muttered, totally occupied with acting normal. He couldn't close that space he opened when he thought he had some me-time without disturbance. He grabbed his half-eaten sandwich and walked past Steve, aiming for the kitchen. "What are you doing here, Steven? Haven't I been clear enough about the fact that I wanted to be alone?" Danny complained over his shoulder. 

Steve toed his shoes off and followed Danny into the kitchen. "I don't know. I guess not. It's so uncommon – the way you said it. I wanted to make sure that you're okay. You didn't seem okay to me. That's why I'm here. I even brought beer. I thought you could use the company, hang out." Steve closely followed him into the kitchen. 

Danny's plate clattered loudly when he let it fall into the sink. His sandwich slipped from the plate into a puddle of water. It was ruined in the same way his mood was washed down the drain. He pressed his lips together and struggled not to swivel around and yell at Steve for acting like a freaking bull in a china shop. Danny slowly turned, folding his arms over his chest. He needed some sort of protection in front of his heart. 

"Is this a payback for the time when I offended your Marquis? Your dad's old car?" Danny asked with a wait-and-see attitude. "That was years back, though. Or when you told me I hurt your feelings with the chef's hat or whatever that incident was? I can't even remember how that went down, but it must be about those events. Am I right, Steve?" 

"What?" Steve exclaimed, half laughing, features slipping. "This is all Greek to me, Danny. What the hell are you talking about? Payback?" Steve was genuinely offended. 

"I know I kept pushing about your car. I guess I called it a piece of old junk or something similar. You kept telling me I hurt your feelings. I didn't stop, and you got angrier. Is this action here, storming my house even though I explicitly told you not to swing by because I'm not in the mood to spend time with you, a payback for that?" Danny explained with strung tight nerves. 

"You're mentally disturbed, Daniel Williams. Officially mentally disturbed." Steve had some difficulties to stay calm, moving the pack of Longboards from left to right on the kitchen counter, turning his back to Danny.

"Maybe, but it would be a real act of courtesy if you would explain honestly why you came by." Danny cleared his throat. 

"Are we fighting?" Steve turned and closed his body off, crossing his ankles and his arms, glaring at Danny. "I don't get how your mind works, Danny. I came by to see you, a close friend – my _best_ friend, to hang out together. The way we normally do on Saturdays. Until you decided not to without further explanation." Steve's jaw muscles popped. "You closed the door, even locked it, _with the key in the lock_ , to make sure I wouldn't have access. You've locked me out. It feels funny, you know? Why would you do that?" Steve ducked his head, hiding his eyes.

"Do you know what me-time means, Steve?" They were both not ready to give in, admitting that they could have just talked like normal people instead of pulling a stupid stunt on each other. 

"Yes, Danny, _of course,_ I know what me-time means. I've never needed it. You lose such kind of needs being in the Navy and all. It's a luxury you can't afford to have, and besides, I don't have the urge to spend time like that." Steve's eyes were glowing with boiling emotions. 

Danny suffered to stay calm. "Twice a year maybe I need this me-time, and I don't want to explain why. It happens, I spend this time doing what I like, and after that, I'm socially functional again. I need you to respect that. That's all that I want from you – to respect my wishes." 

"You knew I would come by." Steve clenched his teeth. 

"Yes, I thought this could be an option, and I didn't want to be unprepared. You can't stand not knowing what's going on, to be kept in the dark. And it's rude to barge in on someone like this, Steve." Neither Danny nor Steve moved from their spot, keeping a safe distance. 

"What were you watching?" Steve tried again. 

"I told you, Steve, this is none of your business." Danny stated calmly without giving in an inch. 

Danny couldn't even as much as flinch before Steve's dashed out of the kitchen. His reaction was unrivaled, and Danny heard the TV running before he even could curse loud and ugly, much less lunging after Steve to stop him from discovering what he had been watching. It was too late anyway. Danny stayed put, wiggling his toes, watching his muscles flex and relax on the arch of his foot. He should have changed the channel before he had switched off the damn TV. He slipped his foot back into his slippah. 

At first, there was shame flushing Danny's face, followed by healthy anger about the way Steve pried, followed by a peaceful feeling because he didn't need to hide anything anymore. He almost thought it was kind of funny to see Steve behaving childishly and alarmingly desperate in the way he needed to find out Danny's secret. 

He heard Steve gasp. He murmured words of utter disbelief. Moments later, he strolled back into the kitchen. Face blank and stretched into a tight mask. "Don't tell me you were watching that." Steve pointed at the TV in the living room. 

"I was." Danny simply answered, following Steve with his eyes. 

"St. George Chapel? I'm having a hard time to follow what's going on, Danny. Windsor Castle? The royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, live on TV? What am I missing here, Danny? You wanna get married again? Why didn't you mention that when we joked about that event at work?" Steve wore a terrible Aneurysm Face, looking shocked and totally at a loss, eyeing Danny with _big_ interest. 

"Me, getting married? Hell no, _of course not_! I don't want to get married, Steve. _Jesus, no_! You're jumping to conclusions. It's not easy to see the big picture without all the information." Danny sighed. "I normally don't tell them, anyone, because it's _my goddamn business_. But you couldn't accept to be left in the dark, could you? You have to be all over me, bursting through the door right in the middle of my 'me-time', harassing me until I tell you what's up with me. You've grilled me enough, Steve. You'll get what you came here for. I'll explain it to you." Danny's words grew fiercer the longer he talked. Steve drove him fucking _crazy_.   

Steve's relief was obvious about the 'not getting married' part. His eyes were concentrated on Danny now, making it difficult for Danny to stay focused. His light mood was gone, and anger rose in his chest, but also a deep understanding for Steve. He would have freaked out, too, if Steve had been so secretive. Danny scrubbed a hand over his face. 

"Are you going to explain to me why you wanted to watch a royal wedding in your 'me-time'? That's very comforting because all the red lights are on in my head, Danny. I can't figure out why." Steve plopped heavily onto a chair with the two beers he'd grabbed from the six-pack. He shoved Danny's slowly over the counter, working his jaw, trying to loosen his shoulders, looking so tensed up that Danny feared for his blood circulation. 

Danny's butt rested against the sink, his foot played with his slippah, staring Steve square in the eye. "You've violated my privacy, Steve. You ignored a personal wish and you pried, acting like an over-curious moron. What I'm going to tell you is something I don't talk about, because there's no need for that. _Because it's fucking private_. It's so private that I feel uneasy to even talk about it. I do it for you, you animal, to show you that there is no dark monster lurking in the shadow somewhere. For none of us. It's nothing special. It's just about me and my personal feelings." Danny didn't gain any satisfaction from Steve's expression. 

"I apologize for my rude actions, Danny. I – ah, I really thought you were joking or hiding something from me. Something you don't want to share, but something that would affect me, too. Like the thing with your retirement. I overreacted and I'm sorry. Really, I am. I guess, once bitten, twice shy. I freaked out about it. I'm sorry, okay?" Steve turned the beer bottle in his hands, taking a swig. 

"You're still sore about that one?"  Danny stepped forward and sat on one of the chairs next to Steve at the breakfast bar. 

"Yes." Steve said tersely. 

"But we're good now, aren't we?" Danny was glad he could hold something between his hands, wiping off the droplets of water from his cold beer. 

"Yeah, I think so." Steve still had this edge to his words, and Danny knew he was still hurt about that part. 

Danny put his arms on the counter, leaning onto the surface, trying to come up with a good opening line to start this difficult discussion. Steve had switched off the TV and there was no other sound but their breathing and the shuffling of their feet on the floor. 

"You did it once, telling your private thoughts." Steve expressed in a friendly voice. "I – it was special. I appreciated that you had enough trust to express what haunted you. It's a good feeling to think back at this – closeness. It had never happened before, the way you'd opened up and were so deadly serious and honest, sharing stuff with me not work related – in this special, intimate way." Steve peeled at the label on his beer bottle. 

"Yeah, only because I thought we were about to die, buried under tons of debris with no way out, and I didn't care to share my stupid anxieties with you. But it felt good, it felt okay. I guess the pressure was high enough for me to get it out." Danny hesitated. 

Steve didn't say any other word. He waited. 

Danny gave himself a push. "I was watching the royal wedding to be reminded of what love is, or at least what love could be because I definitely don't know it anymore." Danny cast Steve a short glance. He sat frozen on his chair, carefully avoiding making any sound at all. 

Danny swallowed a few gulps of beer before he carried on. "I wanted to look at all these happy faces, especially the ones from the bridal couple, trying to reconnect with what I've lost a long time ago. Everyone is there, right by their side, celebrating a young, promising love and the belief in this passion," Danny explained, looking at the table. 

Steve nervously started to scoot back and forth on his chair, feeling obviously uncomfortable. "I can't follow, Danny. I'm – is this going to be a difficult conversation?"

"It depends on how you see it. I didn't want to have you here, Steve, because I know what kind of a big pain in the ass you can be with emotional stuff on TV and in general. I don't need that, you sitting next to me, squirming because you're so embarrassed or because it simply bores your pants off. I don't want to hear your dumbass remarks. I want – I need to get lost in these emotions on the rare occasions I have the possibility to do so." Danny watched Steve with piercing eyes. "I didn’t invite you, remember? It's your choice to be here, so bear with me, Steve." Danny added, strained. 

"Come on, that was so disgusting. Your alien guy giving birth to a slimy lump. I couldn't find any emotions in that awkward moment to get attached to. All of it was just gross." Steve defended. "That was such a long time ago. And I'm sure you're about to tell me that you enjoyed 'The Notebook', am I right?." Steve smiled, and Danny felt Steve's eyes lingering on his face. 

"It may shock you, but yes, I liked it a lot. It's a powerful love story, and it's all about love, being there for each other no matter what. Yep, I enjoyed it. And if you have any problem with that, you can leave. I don't care." Maybe it was a good thing, after all, to let Steve in on this private place Danny always kept hidden from all others; to get things straight, to bury another one of his hidden dreams he wouldn't tell, not even under torture.

"I'm a bit shocked – " Steve exhaled " – because you played along, making silly remarks, too. I had no idea you're into romance stuff."

"Whatever, Steve. What I'm going to tell you is only about me. It has nothing to do with Grace or Charlie, or work. Nothing at all, at least not in the way you might assume. I'm good, my kids are healthy, doing great. I have a mutual understanding with my ex-wife, and until now, I haven't been killed on the job. I love my friends, I like our restaurant project. You got that, okay?" 

Steve's answer was a single grunt and the change of his posture. He leaned back in his chair, nodding, eyes cast down. 

"I'm fully aware that I always overthink everything. I'm overprotective of my children – " Danny's mind wandered off, taking a moment before he inhaled to continue. "Grace is a teenager now. God, she grew up so fast. I don't even know when that happened." Danny lost his trail of thoughts. 

"Does this end up with you explaining to me why you were watching the royal wedding?" Steve sounded suspicious. 

"Yeah, we'll get there. You came by to find out what I'm not telling you, right, Steve?" 

"I guess." Steve answered in a flat voice. 

"Then you better listen and show me some patience, and shut the hell up." Danny's impatience and his nervousness made him shout at Steve. 

"Alright, I'll sit and wait. Sorry, I won't interrupt you anymore." Steve held up his hands in a placating way. 

"You'd better, otherwise I'll call this off. It's not easy to express what I gain from the wedding. I don't want to sound desperate or pathetic or crazy either." Danny's fingers tapped the table. 

"Just shoot, Danny. I'll follow." And finally, Steve's patience kicked in and his soft voice reached out to Danny. 

"You know what they say – books, people, parents--that you're going through moments of your own childhood when you have kids. I've always thought this was bogus, but it's not. I've remembered so many things from my own childhood the moment Grace was born." Danny had to stand up. It drove him crazy to sit still with Steve by his side who pretended to be all relaxed and ready to take whatever Danny was throwing his way. 

They were both as tight and tense as a fucking bow. 

"And they also say teenagers don't know anything about love; that they have to grow up first to understand what love means, that it's way too complicated to understand that feeling. That's a flat out lie. It's exactly the other way around." Danny paced in front of the kitchen cupboards, too giddy to stand on the spot. "I'm telling you this because I'm in awe of my daughter's experiences every day, how strong her emotions are. There is only the measurement of one-hundred percent, either good or bad. Everything she feels vibrates with authenticity. _Everything_. And she can't think of anything else but what moves her right that moment and she's driving me crazy with this. We argue, she's mouthy, she's stubborn, and most of the time I don't understand her anymore." Danny folds his hands and buries his nose between his fingers. He was suddenly so tired. 

"You okay, Danny?" Steve sat up straight. 

"Yeah, yeah. Shit. I need to get to the point. And the point is that teenagers, Grace, they still have this spark that ignites a fire in their heart. It's so freaking strong and it moves me every time because it's so honest, so pure and untouched, not spoiled yet, not squashed to the ground. Grace still believes that she has all the chances that life offers her. She believes in a bright future, she believes in love and finding the right person. Of course, she doesn't think like that, but there are no doubts about the possibilities that life offers her. Rachel doesn't agree with me, _at all,_ about the love thing. Grace has passion and there is this hunger for life. That's what teenagers do, right? They are curious for life." 

"And is this all connected to you – how?" Steve's calm and soft voice brought him back on track. 

"I lost that spark, Steve. I don't get the concept of love anymore. The love between two adults, not the love between parent and child. I was once a teenager, too. I remember how parents and other adults didn't understand shit why things were important. I realize now that the only ones who feel this passion unspoiled are teenagers. Love is as strong as dragon-fire. It's magical. Sure, there are always fears. I was scared for so many things. I still am. I don't want Grace to be scared, Steve. I don't want her to lose that feeling, this fire – ever." 

Danny sat back at the bar. The gates were open now and he needed to get everything out. "I want to remember, Steve – for my Monkey and later for Charlie. I want to be there for her when she needs comfort. When she has questions. I want to be the one she comes to and I want to be able to have answers for her. I want to guide her through difficult times when she falls in love for the first time when love might hurt her. I don't want to be one of those parents who admonishes her because she's too young to grasp what love means. I want to help her to keep this passion alive." Danny tilted his head back and closed his eyes for a moment. 

"I know that I can't protect her from the world and from experiences. I once believed that I'd never ever forgotten how it felt to be sixteen. And guess what? It wore off, crushed to nothing between the grinding stones of life." Danny swallowed and shook his head in slight confusion. 

Steve didn't so much as stir. Danny knew he was listening, though. He went to grab another beer and placed one in front of Steve without asking, even though they haven't finished up their first ones. He cleared his throat, surprised by the force of feels that spread out into his body.

"My point is that I had big dreams, and I was driven by fear to lose everything. But the dreams were there, and I didn't even notice when I'd lost them. My experiences in life disillusioned me until nothing was left. Not one of my relationships lasted. I lost this spark and love turned into something stressful over the years, something that creates pressure and expectations. It turned into something that makes me curl my toes because I need to perform, I need to deliver something that is connected now with arguments, shouting words, hurting each other. And I don't want Grace to live through the same disappointments. I want her to be full of passion and fire also when she's forty and older." 

Danny didn't dare to look at Steve. He was too deep in his own therapy session and he needed to finish this. 

"I want to watch this royal wedding because it's about young love. It's strong and beautiful. They still believe, and this power is written all over their faces. When I watch, I hope to reconnect, hoping to feel again, what once was there."

Steve drunk from his second beer and rearranged his body on the chair. He didn't interrupt Danny and he granted him space. He wasn't looking at him. 

"I feel betrayed by life. I tried so hard, and I've ended up with empty hands. There are moments at night when I wake up at three am, and I realize I'm alone. No one waits for me. I've made peace with growing older alone – I mean relationship-wise. I'm not talking about ohana, Steve. I'm sure you know the feeling of being with all the people you love so much and still feeling alone. It's just a fact I can't change right now. And don't you dare to pity me." Danny moved to the sink. "That's it. I have no more to say. That's why I wanted to watch the royal wedding. It's about love and devotion. I wanted to watch it alone because I don't want to hear stupid remarks and dumb laughter from you or anyone else – especially not from you." 

Danny slowly turned around and finally had enough guts to lift his eyes. "Did I satisfy your curiosity?" 

Steve's face showed a contained, neutral expression. "Yes. Thank you, Danny. I'm – "

"Don't Steve. I warned you, don't fucking say you're sorry. I just told you that I'm okay with it. But you wanted the big picture, an explanation. Deal with it on your own. I don't want your opinion. You're not a romantic soul, and I'm sure you can't wait to get out and escape the emotional crap I've just thrown your way." Danny collected the beer bottles and carried them to the sink. 

"How much time have you planned for your 'me-time' today?" Steve got up and carefully pushed the chair back at the breakfast bar. 

"Why are you asking?" Danny wrung out the dishrag. 

"Can I come by again later? Let's say eight o'clock? We still can hang out a bit, watch a game." Steve sounded normal, not stressed out. Danny was relieved, although his heart felt like the dishrag in his hands, wrung out to the max and empty. Steve didn't bolt for the door and that was a win so far. 

"Yeah, sure. That's fine with me." Danny felt the exhaustion seeping from his bones; complicated discussion about emotions wore him out. He had no idea how Steve would deal with the knowledge he'd just heard. 

"Did your romantic side buy these flowers?" Steve pointed to the bouquet of Hawaiian sumptuous flowers standing at the far end of the breakfast bar. His voice sounded as normal as ever. 

Danny eyed Steve with worries. Steve _was_ freaked out. "Since years there are flowers standing around in my home, and yes, I buy them because I like a cozy home. You've never noticed them before. Why don't you just walk out the door and head home before you flip your shit about what I've just said." Danny sneered. He couldn't deal with Steve's neutral behavior.

"I'll be back around eight, okay?" 

Danny downright hated it when Steve acted as if he'd deleted the previous half hour of time to erase it from his mind, completely and irrevocably, not responding at all. Danny couldn't shake the feeling that Steve was stonewalling, keeping Danny at a distance. He couldn't blame him. He just poured years of bottled-up emotions over Steve's head in an extremely toxic concentration although Danny knew how bad Steve dealt with feelings. Danny sighed. He wanted to be honest with Steve, hoping for a reaction, for anything to hold on to. He pressed his lips together. There was no need to get lost in that part of his heart. Not now. 

"Yeah, okay." Danny watched Steve leave, stepping out of the kitchen. "And hey, Steve! Steve!" He followed him to the door. 

"What?" Steve turned, not annoyed, but alert and maybe a bit jumpy. 

"What I explained to you in the kitchen stays here in this room. It's private. It has nothing to do with work. None of it. If you ever bring up details from this discussion at work, I'll punch you hard. Got that?" 

Danny was hurt, and he was acting unfairly. He didn't want to sound that rude. But he didn't have the guts to pull Steve into a hug that would show his best friend how much he wanted to reconnect with love – with him and through him. Danny knew as much as he sought a relationship, the one person he would want for this connection, stood right in front of him, somehow unreachable, like always. 

"Sure thing. Got it. See you later, and thank you, Danny – for your trust." Steve nodded, and his eyes had this look that Danny knew too well. Wheels were turning on a top level and this never meant anything good. 

Danny closed the door behind Steve and leaned heavily against the cool surface. He didn't want to question what he had done and why he had filled Steve in on his own mess. He swore that he would never meet anybody anymore during his need for 'me-time'. 

The broadcasting of the wedding was long over, but Danny didn't have it in him to get up. He couldn't reconnect with his former, soft, cozy cotton-cloud feeling, not after this intense discussion with Steve. Danny couldn't make up his mind what to do until eight o'clock. He zapped through all channels until his eyes were tired and his mind was numb with all the shit that could be watched on TV. 

He flicked through the music on his cell, but he was not in the mood for any song either. He went upstairs to put clean sheets on the beds. He got two loads of laundry done. He cleaned the kitchen, changed the water for the flowers on the counter, and checked the fridge. It was stocked, and in case Steve was hungry, he could prepare some Thai curry or maybe Steve was in the mood for some Italian pasta. Danny wasn't hungry at all, and his nervous stomach couldn't hold more than that cup of coffee he'd drunk while doing his chores. 

It was seven o'clock and Danny tried to read, but he zoomed out every two paragraphs. He closed the book with a thud and threw it onto the coffee table. He didn't want to _think_. He switched the TV on and carried the clothes basket with the clean laundry into the living room. He passed the remaining hour with folding clothes and watching one of the countless cooking programs. 

It wasn't the first time that he and Steve had such deep, personal discussions, never this emotional thought, but maybe it was the lack of Steve's response that added this sad note to Danny's mood, or maybe it was the way Steve hadn't uttered any comment at all which caused this nervous twitch in Danny's gut. He knew that Steve always felt responsible to help any of his team members through hard times, but Danny was not just 'a team member'. He was Steve's best friend, and Danny had just vomited his best-kept secret without warning onto the table. Steve had enough issues to deal with, he didn't need to be bothered with topics that neither of them could change. Danny's guilty feeling was back. 

He made a last round through the house. He didn't know what else to do. He had no explanation why his heart was behaving like a stubborn mule, jumping around in this tiny space between his lungs. 

Danny walked right into the edge of a chest of drawers when the doorbell rang. _Fuck_. He couldn't stand when Jehovah's Witnesses dared to disturb him so late into the evening hours. Oh, he would give them such a speech, these creepy guys with their overly kind voices. He rubbed his aching knee and limped to the door. He started to shout and tore the door wide open for the second time today. 

"What the hell do you think you're – " Danny searched for stability, clamping his hand down on the doorknob. "Steve?" He asked incredulously. 

"Who were you expecting?" Steve arched an eyebrow, a sweet, promising smile playing with his lips. 

"Uhm, ringing the doorbell? Jehovah's Witnesses? But – " Danny's stepped closer, his eyes narrowing down on the flowers in Steve's hands. "Why did you ring the doorbell? It was open, no key in the lock, everything very welcoming." Danny was still debating if his low blood sugar was playing a trick on him. Steve and flowers? Standing right on his doormat? Ringing the doorbell? 

"Here, these are for you. I don't know yet what your favorites are, but I figured if I chose the same colors, the would match the ones in your kitchen." Steve handed Danny the flowers with such a naturalness that he almost keeled over. 

Now, it was Danny's turn to freak out. 

" _Flowers, Steve?_ You never bring me flowers. I had no idea you even knew they existed. This is odd, Steve. I – shew, I don't know what to say. Does this have something to do with what I told you this afternoon?" Danny reached out and took the wonderful flower bouquet from Steve's hands, not without covering Steve's fingers with his own. His heart was practicing the conga in his chest. _The hell_? 

"Yes, it does." Steve answered with no further ado. 

"Why did you ring the doorbell?" Danny's nose was buried in the blossoms. 

"It's polite to do." Steve didn't step over the threshold. 

"Don't you want to come in?" Danny was thrown for a loop. He had no idea what Steve was up to. 

"No. Why don't you put the flowers into water and meet me back here? I'll wait. You don't need to bring anything else. Everything is arranged." Steve hadn't changed his clothes. He was still wearing his tank top, his shorts, and his running shoes. His facial expression was still calm and relaxed, with this stupid little smile on his face. And there was the disturbing fact that he always looked straight into Danny's eyes, sending him _disturbingly_ long looks. 

"I won't come with you unless – " Danny started off ready to rant, but Steve cut him off with one single, very precise movement of his big, beautiful hand. 

"Stop right there, Danny. No discussions anymore. It's an easy task. Put your flowers into water and meet me back here. If you start ranting with your hands flailing, I'll gag you and you'll have to ride in the trunk instead of shotgun. Got it? We're clear?" Steve rose to an impressive height, staring down at Danny.

" _Sweet Jesus_. I'm on my way, Sir! Yes, Sir! No, Sir! _Whatever, Sir!_ What the fuck were you smoking? You run out of ammo for your sandcastles, am I right? I get bossed around in my own house. This is un-fucking-belivable!" Danny turned and stormed off.

Steve's satisfied, rich laughter followed him through the living room. 

In the kitchen, he opened the wrong cupboard three times until he pulled out a vase to water Steve's impressive flowers. They were perfect. It was a rainbow of shades of purple, lavender, and orange. Steve chose plumeria, bird of paradise, and orchids for his bouquet. Danny's head spun, not ready yet to grasp the meaning of this and to put a name to the obvious signs that Steve was behaving as if he was taking Danny on a da – no. Uh-huh, why now? After eight freaking years? 

"Danny? Are you coming?" Steve shouted straight through the house. Such a caveman! 

"I'm here. _I'm here_!" Danny hurried back to the front door and closed and locked his house before he jogged down to where Steve was already holding the car door open for him to get in. 

"Would it hurt to explain what you're doing?" Danny grabbed the handle over the door as a precaution because Steve raced over the streets. 

"Yes, it would hurt, and no, you won't get any details, and nope, I can't slow down." That was about all that Steve was willing to explain during their crazy fast ride to the McGarrett's house. 

Steve was carrying it a bit too far when he pressed the button on the CD player, and of all songs he could have played, 'Sexy Eyes' blared from the speakers. 

"Is this your plan? Making me angry? I tell you what, _it's fucking working_! What's the matter with you, huh? I told you, this song is terrible, and it makes people want to stab other people. If you want to make me feel good, you're doing an awfully bad job here, Steve!" Steve had a way to make Danny go ballistic and he tried his best to give him a thousand-yard glare from the passenger seat. 

Steve bit on his lower lip, his face one happy smirk, and he was smug as fuck he leaned over and scrunched up his nose. Danny was a goner. Seductive vibes came off Steve's whole appearance; the way he leaned into Danny's space, the way his eyes traveled over his face, dropping to his lips, and the way he clicked his tongue. 

"You're so easy to upset, Danny, and so predictable." Steve chuckled and ejected the CD to exchange it with another one. "I love when you rant, totally losing control about tiny details. Here, this one is for you, babe." Steve wasn't smirking anymore, worse, his whole face changed, waves of feelings rippling under his skin until the sheer desire shone from his eyes, taking Danny in and drawing all the air from his lungs. Danny gripped the door handle tighter, his bones were melting like wax in the summer heat.

Bon Jovi's song 'Living on a Prayer' filled the car. The sound was sneaking around both men, entangling them with a deeper meaning. 

Danny lost the grip on the handle when Steve wrapped his warm, big hand around Danny's neck, petting the side of his throat with his thumb. This was definitely a date and Danny wasn't prepared for it, but Steve didn't give him any time to let doubt creep in. Steve squeezed his neck before he let his hand wander down to hug Danny's thigh, and his hand rested firm and solid on his leg during the last part of their ride. They listened to Bon Jovi until Steve pulled into the driveway to his house. It was dark except for two little jars with a burning candle. 

"We're here, babe." Steve climbed out from his Silverado and appeared mere seconds later on Danny's side, pulling the door open. "Come on, Danny. I've prepared a surprise for you." 

Danny twisted on his seat to study Steve's handsome face. "Can you give me a head's up what I'm running into? It would calm my frazzled nerves a least a little bit." Danny's mouth was dry, and as much as he hoped to get angry and save himself by ranting to gain some emotional distance, Steve didn't give him time to breathe. 

His shirt was gently fisted by Steve's hand and with a few tugs, he made him slip from his seat. Steve kept him close while he closed the door only to shove him against the side of the car, hand spread wide over his pecs, pressing against his chest. "You nervous, Danno?" Steve grazed his lips over his ear, making him shudder. 

"Yes. I don't know what has changed after our discussion. You're hitting on me, full on, no breaks, no boundaries – and it's kinda throwing me off kilter even though I've wished for nothing but exactly that for a fucking eternity of eight years." Danny whispered back. The darkness surrounded them, giving him some freedom to blush without the pressure to school his features. 

Steve boxed him in, bracing his hands against the car at either side of his head. "I always pay attention to you, babe. Over the years, I've reined in my desire to get to know every single, tiny detail about you. I've never stepped over the line you drew around you, keeping me at a distance. I've always respected the way you've handled things between us. But what you told me this afternoon flipped a switch – especially the part where you told me that you and Melissa ended things. You're a free man – eight years, babe. I've learned to deal with situations, but no more. This here, now? This is my way of showing you how much I understand you and how much I know what you want."

Steve kissed his cheek. His lips pressed warm and soft against Danny's skin. He pulled his head back and Danny registered the after-burning of Steve's lush lips against his skin. His mind wasn't finished soaking up Steve's words and the deep meaning behind them when Steve stepped away, wearing a victorious smile on his face, his teeth shining white in the darkness of the dim lit night.

"Take my hand, babe. I'll show the way. Star-gazing – that's what I've got planned for you tonight." Steve's hand reached out to him, and Danny let his shaky fingers slot against Steve's and his clammy hand was instantly hugged, wrapped in a steady and comforting warmth. 

Words failed him, and despite all the beauty around him, Danny sensed the well-known pressure rising in his chest. He tried to shoo the lingering panic away with a slow breathing pattern, but the ugly-faced monster on his shoulder gained shape the longer he held onto Steve's hand. Danny's throat was tight, and for now, he successfully ignored all the alarm bells going off in his system, roaring in his head. 

Danny strolled behind Steve as he directed them around the house. They crossed the garden with Steve holding on to Danny's hand. He led Danny further down to the beach where a light-street of candles in jars illuminated the night. The small flames guided them to a place near the water where a comfy island, made with an air mattress, blankets, and a lot of fluffy cushions, was set – underneath a canopy of brilliant stars. 

The roaring in Danny's ears grew louder; the monster wore a grotesque face by now. 

Danny turned his gaze back to the house, full of wonder about the romantic note that emanated from the whole scenery. He sucked at his lower lip, he bit on it, and Danny dug his toes into the sand, having a hard time adding this very unfamiliar side of Steve to all the ones he knew. Danny was stunned into silence. He stopped dead in his tracks, making Steve stumble back. 

The monster grew a second head and started yelling into his ear. Danny had difficulty drowning out its screeching, ugly voice, and breathing became harder. All his willpower flowed into the arduous act of suppressing the monster's words and the rising tide of his panic attack. 

"What's up, Danny? You okay? Is it too much?" Steve stepped up close, cupping the side of his neck. He didn't let go of Danny's hand. 

_All this touching_. Danny's rib cage caved, and his lungs were crushed under the pressure. His wind pipe was folding in on itself. He hoped Steve wouldn't notice his strained muscles and the hoarse note in his voice. He had only seconds before the sheen of sweat would cover his skin. He forced himself to sound normal. 

"It's kind of – whoa, uhm – overwhelming; even shocking maybe? I – I wouldn't have thought that you could pull that off. It's mind-blowingly beautiful, very, very romantic – and just – " Danny searched for Steve's eyes, breathless and with his heartbeat spiking, " – super intense. _And so not you_. I don't recognize you anymore, Steve. Okay? I'm having a bit of a hard time here. You might have to give me a minute. I don't know – I, shit – I don't know how to get these two images together, you at work, snarky, bossy, determined, an annoying control freak and this here – " 

Danny stretched his arm wide, including the whole scenery in his motion. He balled his hand into a fist to hide the shaking. Danny hadn't expected to be swept off his feet in such a wonderful but freaking tough way about the fact that Steve wooed him with a side he had never witnessed so far. 

_Ah, shit_. He felt the lingering fit rising like a whale surfacing for air. Not good. _Not good at all_. The panic made him sweat, and he counted while he breathed. He would be fine. He was going to be fine. It's Steve, after all, isn't it? – Nope, not working.

"I'm a very attentive lover, Danny. I want to win you over, and I guess we both are sailing in uncharted waters here. Believe me, I'm nervous, too." Steve's hand was wrapped around his neck and Danny leaned into his touch. "Come on, sit down. I really want to show you the stars. They're beautiful and it's a cloudless tonight. A perfect view." 

_Attentive lover?_ No shit. Keep it together, keep it – _Breathe!!  
_

Too late.

The panic exploded in Danny's upper body, greedy tentacles tapping into far-out corners of his limbs. His fingers were numb, and the roaring turned into a constant whooshing. Danny tore his hand out of Steve's warm grip and sunk onto his knees, landing in the sand on all fours. His breathing was labored, and white dots were dancing behind his eyelids and he was trying to fight this motherfucker of a panic attack in the worst fucking moment of fucking ever. 

"Danny! Shit, Danny! What's the matter? What's going on?" Steve dropped to his knees, landing right by his side and focused on rubbing his back in calming circles. "Danny, talk to me! What's going on!" Steve sounded so worried, so churned up.

"Panic attack – " Danny choked out, groaning under the onslaught of fear raging through his body, making it so damn difficult to draw enough air into his aching lungs. 

"Hey, I'm here. Everything's fine. Stay with me, Danny, focus on my voice. I won't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. We're Steve and Danny, just as we have always been. It's okay. C'mon, breathe for me, babe. Slowly in and out. Yeah, take your time – that's it, babe. You're doing great." Steve's words were like a compass in a sea of black. Danny trained his senses on Steve's appealing voice, this silvery sound which soothed Danny's raw nerves. 

"Let's scoot forward, just a bit. You can sit on the air mattress. We'll just sit. We do nothing more. Just that. Okay?" Steve pulled him up and on shaky legs, and Danny walked the short distance and all but crashed onto the soft place perfectly arranged by Steve. Steve carefully lowered himself onto this comfy island right next to him. He kept a distance, though, anxiously avoiding any body contact with Danny. 

Danny didn't want to lay down. That would only cause the second round of anxiety. If he'd had some time to prepare for a first date with Steve, everything would have been different. But he couldn't handle the speed that Steve set, at least not this racing pace in which the events had been strung together. It was like watching a movie by pressing only the fast-forward button. 

"Sorry, Danny. I guess you feel attacked and harassed. I thought – that you wanted it, too. I'm terribly – I'm so sorry to come at you like this. I'm so sorry." Steve thin voice made Danny hunch over in new pain, but a different one. 

"Steve – " Danny croaked. He grabbed Steve's arm and skidded down until he found his hand to interlace their fingers. "Give me a minute." He hadn't gained back his panic-free self, but Danny needed Steve to know that he wanted this, too, just not in this crazy speed. Danny pressed his dry lips against the back of Steve's hand. He would understand. 

Steve did. Danny saw the tension vanish from Steve's body. Danny tugged at his hand until they sat close enough that their thighs were pressed together. They waited in silence, and Steve gave Danny all the time he needed to recover. 

"You scared the shit out of me with your threatening SEAL-speed-dating style, you crazy caveman. I'm not a damn mission, babe. Slow down, okay?" Danny's gruff words made Steve lower his head. "You know me, babe. I'm always scared for the worst. If it's too good, I'm terrified I might lose it the second I have it. Crazy and horrible scenarios crowd my mind, driving me nuts. I didn't even know that you were so into me, and then you show up, pulling your romantic magic on me as if it was nothing. I feel romantically raped, babe. I didn't even know you had it in you, much less trying to woo me with – all this! Candle lights! A love nest at the beach! And flowers! And holding hands – " Danny's chuckles bubbled up, filling his mouth. "You're such a nutjob." Danny bit his lips, but the laughter that broke free was just as intense as his panic attack. 

He didn't let go of Steve's hand as he flopped back into the heap of cushions, starting to roar. 

Steve landed next to him, pressing their entangled hands to his shaking stomach. "I didn't bring wine. I thought that would be a tad too much." He managed to utter between his broad laughter. 

Danny laughed until tears streamed down his temples. He pulled at Steve's hand, getting his fingers free, pressing the flat of Steve's hand onto his chest. It took a while before all their chuckles died down. Danny closed his eyes and listened to Steve's breathing. He drowned in the intensity of Steve's touch. 

"Show me the stars, babe." Danny whispered in the dark. 

Steve patted his pecs before he ushered him up the mattress to lay comfortably in all the softness with his limbs stretched out and head propped up with a pillow stuffed under his head. He searched for Steve's hand again and listened to Steve's voice when he pointed at the various constellation at the firmament. Millions of stars looked down on them. Danny could even make out a part the Milky Way. It was mind-blowing. 

They grew silent, gazing at the stars while Danny played with Steve's fingers. It still felt unreal, lying there under the sky with Steve pressed up to his side, knowing he had prepared this wonderful, magical, cheesy, and romantic evening only for him. 

"Did you plan to make out with me tonight?" Danny asked into their comfortable silence.

"I was counting on it, yeah." Steve whispered next to his ear. Danny felt an exciting notion stir in his stomach. 

"Was this really your idea with the stargazing scenery or did you google how to decorate a perfect place to seduce your work partner and friend?" Danny turned his head to look at Steve. 

Steve wasn't offended, he only grinned back at Danny. He turned onto his side and supported his upper body, leaning onto his elbow. His big, warm hand skimmed down on Danny's stomach and slipped under his shirt. Danny's abs concaved when Steve's hand touched his bare skin. His eyes fluttered shut, and he couldn't hold back a soft moan. 

"I don't need to google this, Danny. I know what gets you off, even if you hardly can believe it. I have some tricks up my sleeve, and as I've mentioned before, this is uncharted territory for both of us. It feels a bit like a soul-striptease, letting you in on a side I've never shared so far with you. You have no idea how much I'm going to rock your world, babe." Steve's smile was teasing, alluring, and full of love. 

Danny gasped at Steve's words, and also because his stroking hand was terribly distracting. Danny couldn't keep his hips from canting and rolling in tiny circles. "Who would've guessed that you're a sweet talker. Jesus, Steve." Danny's tongue darted out wetting his lips. "What made you do this? Deciding to hit on me, taking me on a date without even asking if I'm in, as if it was crystal clear I'm in. I mean I'm in – " Danny clutched the blanket, holding his breath when Steve's hand traveled up, roaming over his pecs, fingertips dancing around his nipples. 

Steve stayed quiet, watching Danny with a heated look.

"I mean, are you even attracted to me? You know in a your-cock-is-hard-and-you-can't-wait-to-fuck-me kinda way? Because dating means you want more from me, not only sex-wise, but definitely sex-wise, but – fuck, Steve! What – _oh God_!" Danny's voice was smoky, moaning with pleasure. He was breathing his words with a gravely note.

Danny's back arched when Steve rubbed his fingers featherlight over his hard nubs. He flicked his thumb repeatedly over both his stiff nipples and Danny groaned in response, digging his head deeper into the pillow. 

"You're so beautiful, Danny. I’ve dreamed about how you might look when you're aroused. How your eyes would change and how different your voice would sound when you're hard – wanting more, telling me what you need." Steve rucked Danny's shirt up, revealing his bare chest and his sensitive nipples. "And yes, I'm attracted to you." Steve mouthed his words into Danny's ear, licking into his ear shell and sucking at Danny's earlobe. "That proof enough?" 

Danny grabbed the first thing his fingers could fist in, when Steve ground his hard cock down on Danny's thigh, pressing up beside him, draping one leg over Danny's crotch. Steve pinned him down with his upper leg and Danny felt the seductive friction rubbing against his bulge.

"Oh Jesus, Steve. How did we even end up here?" Danny saw stars behind his eyes when he felt hot lips closing over one of his puckered, stiff nipples. Steve circled with the tip of his tongue around Danny's nub, wetting it before he bit it softly, sucking at it while he rubbed his other nipple between his fingers, driving Danny out of his mind. 

"Why haven't you kissed me already?" Danny uttered in a hoarse voice. His hands found their way down to Steve's strong thigh, which pressed onto his hard-on and Danny pushed his bulge up against Steve's leg, growing harder and getting impatient. 

"I didn't want to freak you out. Kissing is way more intimate than sucking your nipple. I thought getting you hot and needy would make it easier for you to want it, too. I was right." Steve lifted his head. 

"You're such a smug bastard." Danny got lost in Steve's eyes and the way his face was full of admiration and desire. Danny bracketed his face and almost blacked out when Steve's crotch started to hump the side of his hips. He could make out the shape of Steve's cock in the way he rubbed it leisurely against his body. 

"Kiss me, babe. C'mon, let me finally feel these gorgeous, alluring lips of yours." Danny pulled Steve down. 

Steve moved his body until he lay on top of Danny. He felt Steve's hard length grinding against his own hard dick. "You're so fucking sexy, babe." Danny's mouth was at Steve's lips. 

Danny sunk back with a moan when Steve's lips finally captured his mouth in a relishing kiss; soft and warm and blazing. He had known Steve would be a good kisser. Danny pushed into Steve's mouth and felt a calming soul-peace when finally, after eight years of secret, hidden pining, his tongue touched Steve's. Danny was being kissed with passion and a ton of pent-up emotions that Steve made him feel in the way his mouth worshiped Danny's lips; the way Steve's tongue licked over the wet inside of his cheeks, and by the way Steve's throaty moans almost pushed him over the edge. 

Danny hugged Steve's head with both hands, tunneling his fingers through his soft, thick hair, sensing the shape of Steve's head while their kiss heated up. Steve shoved one hand underneath Danny's ass and pressed him up against his hard cock. Steve circled their hips as one, rubbing, grinding – ejecting the sexiest and darkest moans Danny ever heard. 

He pushed Steve's head back, gently but determinedly parting their lips for a moment. "How you wanna do this, babe? I'm hard. _God, I'm so hard_. I want you naked. I want to suck your cock, and at the same time, I never want to abandon your lips. I want to kiss you all the time and I want to kiss you when you come. I want to trace my tongue over your lips when you come on my stomach because I want to see your face when you come the first time – with me. I'm – I'm not ready to bottom here and now. I can't wait to bottom – to know you're gonna take care of me – to know you're gonna fuck me long and hard, but not now, and _God_ – how you wanna do it, Steve? And don't you stop grinding down on me, because – _fuck, Steve_ – " 

Steve chuckled low and long and buried his head in the crook of Danny's neck, panting harshly while he kept Danny's hips pushed up, covering half his ass with his big, strong hand, rubbing their cocks together – oh hell, Danny was so fucking turned on. 

"Stop talking, Danny. I've got this. I've got you. You know that. Tell me what you want." Steve's lips left a trail of wet kisses behind on his way back from Danny's throat to his lips. "Should I suck you off? Do you wanna suck me off? Or should we try to come together, kissing until it happens?" Steve's face was heated, and he looked beautiful and wild, making Danny's heart lurch in his chest. 

"The last one, definitely the last one. Kissing until we come together. Pants off then." Danny slotted their mouth together, kissing Steve with an inch of his life before he pushed him back onto his knees. 

They both shimmied out of their pants and yanked off their shirts, eyeing each other's gloriously naked bodies with cocks fully erect and vibrating with lust. Steve crawled over Danny, caging him in with his arms and legs, hovering over him, and his cock hung heavy and hard between his legs before he lowered his body back onto Danny's nakedness. 

Danny's throaty groan was lost between Steve's lips when he wrapped his big, calloused hands around both their hard dicks. Danny was aware of every move Steve performed with his athletic body. His hands wandered over Steve's muscular back, gliding alongside his chiseled hips and over his rippled flanks. Steve thrust his hips, fucking his fist, pressing their cocks together, using their precum as lube. 

The only sound came from the waves meeting the shore, and the soft wind gliding through trees and bushes, rustling with leaves. The night air cooled their hot skin. Steve's desperate, needy sounds made it hard for Danny not to come too fast. The sheer imagination of their two naked, sweat glistening bodies rubbing on each other in this steady rhythm of fucking hips made Danny bite Steve's lips. Steve murmured Danny's name and words of love and fucking dirty thoughts about what he wanted to do to Danny and that he couldn't wait to fuck him. 

Danny came first, hanging on to Steve's lips, kissing him fiercely and with a desperation that he was finally allowed to hold Steve in his arms. He hugged Steve around his torso and squashed the air from his lungs when he spilled his load between their tensed, bunched up abs. Danny felt his throat swell with blood when he orgasmed. Steve's low moans felt like praises and the way he sucked at Danny's neck, biting the sensitive skin made Danny greedy for more.

Steve tongue-fucked Danny's mouth when his spunk hit Danny's stomach. The slick sound of Steve's hand, fucking himself through his climax made Danny's head spin. Steve's last drops of his come landed on Danny's cock and Danny shoved his hand between their sticky bodies, grabbing his dick to rub Steve's cum into his skin. He pushed Steve's hand out of the way, grabbing his cock and pumped it with steady strokes to make the arch last for Steve until he became too sensitive. With gentle fingers, he pried Danny's hand off his dick.

Steve covered Danny's body with his, shuffling from side to side until both his arms were looped solidly around Danny's back, pressing him into the mattress and against his front. Danny wrapped arms and legs around Steve's naked body, listening to Steve's panting. It felt like paradise. 

"I love you, Danny, like I have never loved someone before." Steve murmured next to his ear. 

"I love you, too, babe, just the same, strong and forever. I love you so fucking much, babe." Danny's hands caressed Steve's ass. 

They lay like that until their cocks were soft and their cum started to dry and to itch. "Take my shirt to clean yourself off." Steve unglued his body from Danny and scooted over to where he tossed his clothes. "Here take this." Steve gave him his tank top and waited until Danny handed it back, so Steve could scrub their cum from his abs.

"You look like a Greek god, babe. I don't know if you have any idea how beautiful you are." Danny whispered into the wind. 

Steve straddled Danny's hips, staring at their naked bodies, smiling down at him. "You always made me nervous when I caught you checking me out as if I wouldn't notice, babe." Steve bent down to kiss Danny's lips. "I'm yours, with body, heart, and soul." 

"I'm still a bit freaked out about this romantic side of yours, sweet-talking me into oblivion." Danny sighed and started to stroke Steve's taut thighs, caressing his rippled abs with the back of his hands, wrapping his fingers around Steve's silky, uncut dick, and enjoying how Steve's balls nudged against his lower stomach, warm and soft. "I guess I didn't want to always be too subtle, babe. It's called playing with fire. I was never sure about your intentions. And we were two horrible hotheads in the very beginning. We would've eaten each other alive if we'd ever had sex in our early years." Danny heard Steve chuckle and he grinned at him. "Tell me, babe, what convinced you to make a move on me tonight." Danny patted the mattress, signing Steve he wanted him to lie down next to him. 

A light cotton blanket was draped over their entangled bodies. Steve's head rested on Danny's shoulder. "It was the way you explained your innermost fears and worries – you're stingy with private thoughts, babe. It was touching how you told me what you discovered about love and the way you lost your connection to it and why you want it back – for Grace and Charlie." Steve paused, scratching Danny's hair on his chest, lost in thoughts. "I recognized myself in your explanations – how you described the feeling of being alone, at night – when nothing distracts you and the truth is just there, painfully open, undeniable. I never feel alone among people and family when you're around, Danny, never. I guess I had an epiphany in your kitchen today, listening to you. I headed home, spiraling into action to prepare everything." 

Danny kissed Steve's head. "I only felt alone with you in the room because I knew I wasn't the one that got to take you home with me. Will you be there tomorrow when I wake up? Will things stay like this with us? So wonderful and mind-blowing like right now?" Danny couldn't help himself – he needed Steve to say it. 

Steve lifted his head and turned to search for Danny's eyes. "I won't try to convince you by talking, Danny, that this here, this is the end game. You won't get rid of me anymore. We'll grow old together, babe. I'll show you. This is it, you and me. I love you, Danny." Steve kissed the patch of skin in front of his lips on Danny's chest. "And yes, I'll be here when you wake up tomorrow. I plan to sleep with you under the sky, curled up into each other until the sunrise kisses us awake." Steve soft voice was firm and earthy. 

Danny sank into this softness of words and sweet promises. He believed Steve with every inch of his being. "We'll have arguments and fights at work, maybe even at home," Danny added, running his fingers through Steve's hair. 

"I'm not worried, Danno. We'll be fine." Steve cupped Danny's face with his hand. "We'll do fine, babe."

"There might be a lot of makeup sex involved." Danny took Steve's hand, pressing his lips to his palm, smiling. 

"I'm counting on that." Steve angled his head and kissed Danny long and sinful. 

"It may sound super cheesy, but I always knew that the only person who could give me back my faith in love would be you, babe." Danny pulled Steve closer, throwing one leg over his hips, messing up the blanket. 

"This means a lot, Danny. I wouldn't want it any other way. Life can be good, you know?" Steve's words were swallowed by Danny, kissing him dirty, devouring his mouth. He would never get enough of Steve's kisses and the way Steve said the most romantic things that hit his heart like a lightning bolt. Danny couldn't wait to get his first Valentine card. 

Steve's mouth sucked at his upper lip when he wrestled Danny onto his back. "I'm so hungry!" Steve exclaimed and ruffled Danny's hair.

"Hell, yes! Pizza would be great, and I need a shower. I think I even have sand in my ears and under my foreskin." Danny rubbed the sole of his feet over Steve's calves. 

"You're such a dork. Come on, let's go inside. I'll order pizza and you can take a shower. I need calories before I rummage through my nightstand for lube and condoms." 

Danny's chest tightened, and he sighed deeply. "What took us so long, babe? I can't believe we waited all these years." His shaky voice made Steve turn to face him. 

"Hey, Danny, don't do that. No need to be sorry for the past. It's a waste of time to mourn over 'what ifs' and 'whys' – if it had to happen earlier, it would have, but it didn't. And I believe it's just right on time. We're okay, we're good, and we're ready to start the rest of our lives right now, together. That's all that counts, okay? Babe?"

Danny wrapped one of the blankets around his hips and his laugh was still watery when Steve pulled him into a tight embrace. "I love you and everything is fine, just perfect the way it is, okay, babe?" Steve buried his head at the side of Danny's neck. 

"Yes, okay, babe, okay. I love you, too. We can clean up tomorrow, alright? I want food and more sex." Steve kissed his worries away and Danny accepted that there would be sorrows and melancholy lingering like a veil of mist in his head until it would dissolve into nothing, letting the light shine through for good. 

"You order, and I deliver, babe. Yeah, we'll clean up tomorrow." Danny handed Steve the other blanket to cover his nudity if the rare case arose that someone needed to talk to Steve in the middle of the night on their walk back from the beach. 

Steve took Danny's hand and they strolled back to the house. Steve let go of Danny's hand to throw his arm around Danny tucking him to his side. Their bare upper bodies were pressed together, and their stroll was interrupted by long, heated kisses until their blankets slipped off their hips caused by too intense grinding of rolling hips. 

The candles in the jars were still burning after Danny closed the lanai door. Steve was plastered against his naked body and Danny leaned back into the warmth of Steve's hug.

 

THE END

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://cowandcalf.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you very much for reading!


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